Your life will be shaped by 3 decisions
The first one is about what you want to do. Don’t think about it in terms of passion. It won’t help. People overrate passion because they expect a high amount of positive emotion that will motivate them to do the work. But emotions, positive or negative, fluctuate and get in the way of work.
Instead, analyse yourself - see what you’re good at and what you’re curious about, what immediately pulls your interest and make you prick up your ears. And don’t discount anything, just because that thing you enjoy seems insignificant. You love gossiping? You could be a good journalist. You do a lot of gaming? You will pick up game theory and, you know, fifteen game theorists have won the economics Nobel Prize. If you’re not good at analysing yourself, ask people around you what they think you’re naturally good at. What they’re most astonished by that you seem to do with little effort. It will be much easier to get better at something you’re already good at than to get good at something you’re struggling with.
Then commit to it and start helping people with it. Solve their problems. All successful people are good problem solvers. Here’s the hot tip: begin with your own. Love clutter-free space, declutter your home and help your friend next. Then ask if they know anybody else who needs help with decluttering. Rinse and repeat.
You don’t need to follow the usual path. I don’t have a degree but I keep learning. I don’t climb a corporate ladder but I keep growing. You can choose to be a part of a business of many. Or you can start a business of one. Forge your own path. There are no rules.
But whatever you do, aim for long-term interest. That thing you really enjoy doing right now, can you imagine similar joy doing it a decade later? If not, it’s a distraction. A knee-jerk reaction to whatever’s hot around you at the moment. See in your mind’s eye far beyond that.
Don’t worry that you’re not original. That it’s already been done. All that will do to you is turn you into a cynic with a badly hidden impostor syndrome. Humans have been on this planet for 3 hundred thousand years. Everything’s been said but needs to be repeated because not everybody was listening. It’s similar with music. Young fans would come up to David Bowie after his performance of “The Man Who Stole The World” and congratulate him on how well he covered it because they believed it was originally written by Nirvana.
Everything’s been done but it lacked your perspective, your uniqueness, your sensitivity.
So think and make a decision about what to do. Then go and start, go and DO it.
But do not aim for money. Aim for staying interested long-term. When you get good at something and add value to society, people will pay you for whatever it is you do. Money becomes a side effect. A simple thank you for your help.
The second decision that will determine your life is where to live.
If what you decided to do depends on or is a collaboration with other people, move to a big city. Big cities have a serious energy. They’re fuelled by ambition and everything just keeps moving. You will be in the epicentre of things and people will treat you seriously because you show you’re serious. At the end of the day, you left everything behind to give this thing you want to do a shot.
A big city will challenge you. You will be thrilled and exhausted by it. But more than anything you will be pushed to become better because you will compete with people from around the world. People who, like you, came here to get successful.
Sure, the internet makes it easy to become successful anywhere but people still prefer forging relationships in person. The work-from home/remote work promotion gap simply confirms that. Being where everything is happening will help your career the most.
Then again, if what you decided to do doesn’t depend on collaborating with people, move where you’ll find focus. Somewhere remote or somewhere old. A place that will remind you that you don’t need anything that the modern world is pushing. Write that book, record that album. Justin Vernon from Bon Iver wrote and recorded the whole album For Emma, Forever Ago in his dad’s log cabin in the woods. God, I love that album. He broke free from everything to change his environment and put his head down.
Or you can be like me and choose to combine the two. I love peace and quiet but made a decision to stay in London for the next 5 years. I’m not a career person but still - a big city gives me access to plenty of interesting temporary work and as a financially free minimalist, without many material desires, I can afford a lot of free time here.
Remember, there is no right or wrong. There’s only what’s right for you. So don’t judge. When people hold it against others where they live, it only shows they’re not happy with their own choices. Avoid that. Spend time thinking of where you want to be for the next 5, 10, 15 years and then make a decision. It will shape your life.
The third decision that will determine your life is who you want to be with.
Being in a happy relationship makes you healthier. You live longer. You are somebody’s resource and somebody is yours, so going through life, no matter what happens, becomes easier.
Still, to get to that happy relationship stage takes time, many choices along the way and above all, a decision. Not many people see it that way. People who complain about their spouses to their work colleagues. People who don’t think twice about calling their partner a jerk or an idiot. They don’t take responsibility for their decision to be with that person. And THAT is idiotic.
It takes more or less a year of being with somebody to have enough information to make a decision about the future of your relationship. If you want to make it last a decade or if you want it to end. Keep in mind that if you can’t decide, it’s a no. Giving a relationship a year to come to a decision is time well spent. Staying in that relationship beyond a year, undecided, is time wasted.
Five simple tips here:
One - don’t fall for the compatibility nonsense. It’s much important to have similar values than like the same types of sports or food. This will become obvious if and when you decide to have kids together.
Two - see how you negotiate conflict. You are two different people hoping to build a life together. It’s like assembling IKEA furniture with half of the screws missing. One of you could laugh, the other might have a nervous breakdown. It makes sense to learn to handle things together.
Three - don’t expect this person to change, improve or better you. It’s not their responsibility. But choose somebody with qualities that you admire, aspire to or plainly adore. That way you stand a bigger chance bettering yourself by being with them anyway.
Four - make sure you pay attention to how you are together every day, not on holidays or grand adventures. Majority of life will be around trivial things like not leaving shoes in the doorway or helping with preparing dinner.
Five - greet each other like you greet a pizza delivery man. What can I even add here? You know that pizza is here feeling.
A happy relationship will add to your life, an unhappy one will take away from it. Don’t just fall into one. Choose it.
What you want to do, where you want to live and who you want to be with - these three decisions will determine your life. Think about them. Then make them.
